If you’ve ever secretly judged a small-town cookie contest while watching your tenth holiday rom-com of the season, The Unauthorized Hallmark(ish) Parody Musical is the cathartic, glitter-bombed therapy you didn’t know you needed. The world-premiere production at the Royal Theatre takes every lovingly predictable Hallmark trope — the cute small town, the bighearted baker, the corporate takeover, the snowfall on cue — and detonates it into a Broadway-style, pop-fueled send-up that still somehow manages to feel affectionate rather than mean.
Director Tim Drucker and co-writer Bonnie Milligan have stitched together a tight, turbocharged book and a score (Joel Waggoner and collaborators) of genuinely catchy showtunes that parody and honour the formula in equal measure. Songs like “Love or Career” and the uproarious “It Feels Like Christmas Because It Is Literally Christmas” land with real melodic heft — these are earworms that double as punchlines. The music is delivered with teeth: the cast’s vocal horsepower is a standout, from shimmering ballad moments to full-throttle ensemble pop anthems that get the room clapping along.
Alexandra Clementi headlines as Holly, and she anchors the show with the kind of warm, nimble comic timing that keeps the satire from tipping into sourness. Sean Meldrum as Mark (now the town sheriff and Holly’s old flame) has a magnetic stage presence that fuels the chemistry between the leads; their duet work crackles with just enough sincerity to sell the emotional beats underneath the jokes. Heidi Michelle Thomas (Cookie) and Emily Richardson (Merry) provide scene-stealing moments, and Luke Witt’s physical comedy keeps the pace bouncing between scenes.
What’s clever about this production is how economical it is. Minimal props and a pared-back background don’t feel like skimping — they feel intentional. Smart lighting, nimble choreography (Brooke Engen), and brisk scene changes mean the show moves at a festive clip; transitions are clean and inventive, allowing quick shifts from romantic montage to slapstick cookie-contest mayhem. In a way, the theatrical restraint highlights the cast and the songs, and the result is a surprisingly effective blend of parody and showbiz craft.
If your holiday bucket list includes cookies, small-town melodrama and a few unapologetic pop bops, this parody is a must. It’s a loving roast of a beloved formula — sparkly, silly and sung with conviction — and it leaves you cheerful, a little warmed, and dangerously tempted to hum a chorus on your way out.
Tickets for The Unauthorized Hallmark(ish) Parody Musical at the Royal Theatre run from approximately $41–$98 (prices vary by date). For performance dates and tickets visit Hallmarkish.com or check listings on Fever.
Cover image by Door 24: L-R: Alyssa Lyn-Luke Witt-Alexandra Clementi-Heidi Michelle Thomas-Emily Richardson-Sean Meldrum-Levi Stepp
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